• 17Sep

    Yes, there’s a little bit of movement on this site. I’m in the process of restructuring the corporation that I feel I am at times. There are so many parts of me and sometimes I feel so pulled in many directions. I’m trying to find a central core and work outwards again, but this time in a more cogent pattern.

    Over the last few years I became scattered. I just didn’t have time – or energy – to stay organized or in a central location. By location, I mean my core, my self. So bit by bit, my plan is to find organization and self.

    This site is still the lowest of priorities. At some point I might change the focus, or it may just continue to stagnate. I make no promises.

    This year I didn’t even garden. At least I picked a good (hot and dry) year to skip it, though it wasn’t by choice. My life became a pile of emotional wreckage, a human Hindenburg.

    To be blunt, most of my family fucked me in the ass. Turns out they may have been family by blood, but by heart, they were nothing more than emotional terrorists, with a goal to inflict as much damage as possible. Fortunately, I have a few family members left, and a half brother who has been a rock. Amazing, that. I didn’t even know he existed until I was out of high school.

    And my friends. Thank god for them.

    And thank god for Tony. He has no ulterior motives other than to see me get out of this intact. My spirit has been entirely crushed, my soul destroyed. To admit that is to admit weakness, which is very difficult for me. Worst of all, I know it would make a number of family members dance around the maypole to know they nearly destroyed me. And you know who else has been there for me? My psychiatrist, who has been my hero and champion. Not in the usual psychiatrist “medical” way, but in a way that goes far beyond. He is an amazing human being. (And how utterly shocking to those who don’t understand the relationship and wonder how I could be so close to “the enemy.” Let’s just say he’s a rebel with a cause.)

    Even more interesting, these relatives claim to be such good Christians. Don’t you love it? They are the most perfect examples of why so many people hate this religion. HYPOCRISY.

    I won’t go into details…yet. I’m writing a book, a memoir, and I have a publisher. I hope I’ll be able to name each and every one of them who took part in this attempted annihilation, but that is out of my control. They’ll know who they are, and everyone who knows me will know.

    The story actually makes the likes of JR Ewing seem tame, except without the huge fortune, and no great business sense. There is an oil well, though, although it has absolutely nothing to do with anything. It’s just ironic. In a more modern sense, think of the crap that has gone down with the Jackson family. Again, subtract the many millions of dollars, and subtract the great musical talent (oh there’s a hack, but way past prime).

    So that’s what I’ve been up to.

    I’m always torn by how much disclosure there should be. So many times I wish I could turn back the clock – but knowing what the Internet would become – and not be such an open book.

    I went into academics and writing because I was rather shy (yeah, I’m a good bluffer) and preferred an anonymous life behind a desk and a byline.

    It didn’t quite work out that way.

    Filed under: The Dirt

    Posted: September 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    1 Comment

One Response

  • Sass E Pants Says:

    Hello. Ms, Lawrence. May I call you Juli? I hope that’s not too familiar coming from a total stranger such as myself. Pray tell…Where can I find your most recent Amazon purchases and reviews? I’m in need of reading material, since my friend from facebook is frequently AWOL and my writing partner, who was going to get rich with me seems more interested in bird watching. I need entertainment. What’s a rascal to do?

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